Thursday, 28 April 2011

ad meliora

It's a little windy out this morning, a little chilly, but the reason I notice might be because I'm up earlier today than I have been in the past, oh, four months or so? I had to set my alarm for 6:30 today in order to make my Astronomy 209 exam, which I, in all likelihood, just failed. It's alright, though; my first year was a write-off, a free ride, paid for by the scholarship money I earned from a lifetime of sitting around with nothing better to do than earn good grades in a cushy home schooling environment--so, not really earned. What I did earn were my life experiences this year. I fought tooth and nails for those, wrested them from people who would much rather see me safe and sheltered, stunted and antisocial and culturally illiterate than taking risks and learning about life in tangible ways, growing up and growing out.

In the past year, I've been drunk twice, despite my father's desire that I should stay stone-cold sober for my entire college experience. I've experienced altered states of consciousness. I've sat in classrooms of 200 students and felt my mind being opened like a flower blossoming to the sun, enlightenment streaming in in response to the passion of my professors and hundreds' of years worth of work in the name of knowledge and science. I've fallen in love, though I didn't stay there. I've made good friends. I've made bad friends. I've made best friends, whose gift of faith will strengthen me for the rest of my life. I've stumbled upon dark and terrifying truths in my simple quest to live my life the way I want to live it, been presented with one of the scariest challenges a middle-class white girl will ever have to face.

I'm still here.

The miserable, home schooled, sheltered girl I was would've trembled in awe of the experiences I've had over a nine-month time span. I'm so far away from where I started I can no longer imagine what I would've felt if I could see into the future and know what experiences awaited me. I am euphoric that my life has spiraled out in so many tremendous ways.

I don't intend to stop now.

No comments: